Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
