You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize