Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
