Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
