My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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