Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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