if you like me you must not know who I am
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
