So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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