i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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