he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize