her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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