How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
