Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
