I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
