Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
