There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
