i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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