Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I've blown a few things in my day
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
