Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize