I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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