Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize