So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
