Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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