remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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