Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
