i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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