just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
this beer tastes like vomit already
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
