end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
