I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize