I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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