just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She told me I should be a condom model.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
