My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
