i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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