Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
