You're my little dorito
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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