her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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