your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
