Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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