Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
