My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
