My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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