dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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