He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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