dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it's like iHOP with fire
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize