I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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