She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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