Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The power of my boobs compel you
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
