This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
