Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
