dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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