i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
