Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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