saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
