tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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