We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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