There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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