In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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