I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
