I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
