im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
