I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
as a side note pls kill me
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
