I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize