I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
