I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize