You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
