It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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