I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
