nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
What drink are we having for lunch?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
