I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize