i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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