the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
